My Story
Growing up, there were two sides to my personality. There was the Annie who had no trouble hopping onto a stage to perform for a group of total strangers, and then there was the shy Annie filled with nervousness and little twitches.
Throughout my teenage years I was confident. Yes, I had my insecurities and shy "moments"; but they were nothing out of the norm.
Fast forward a couple of years and these "shy moments" became more apparent and a hell of a lot more aggressive.
The First Panic Attack
I can remember my first panic attack clearly.
I was working as a casual receptionist while living in a share house. My wage, which was paid monthly, barely covered my share of the rent and I was not in a good place. Unbeknown to me, I had put myself under a lot of pressure.
I remember sitting at the reception desk. A couple of my work colleagues were standing behind me talking and laughing loudly. Suddenly, a feeling of panic took over my body. I was terrified and I didn't know why. My mind became fuzzy and my hands started to shake. Feeling embarrassed and not wanting to disappoint my employer and colleagues, I somehow kept working for a couple of minutes before having to walk to my mum's house. Mum wasn't home at the time, so I contacted a couple of friends, one of whom came to pick me up and take me home.
I remember sitting on my mum's front porch waiting to be collected. The ten minute wait felt like an hour. I still felt panicked and had begun to experience vertigo on top of everything else. My legs felt like jelly. After being dropped home, I decided to lie down and put the television on. The sleep and distraction seemed to work wonders as, when I woke, I felt a lot better. I still didn't understand what had happened but tried to push it to the back of my mind.
I truly believe that my lack of understanding of what I was experiencing caused the panic attack to drag on a lot longer.
An Anxious Life
Over the past few years since discovering that I had anxiety and panic disorder, I have been put on medication and sought counselling. The medication that I was prescribed did not agree with my body, and I didn't find that the counselling really made any improvements. I completely respect and understand that there are so many various treatments out there and that one may work for one person and not for another.
It was actually my partner who introduced me to the method that I found showed the most improvement. However, I am continually learning. On better days, I have tried to appreciate and use my anxiety as a navigational tool to alert me to areas in my life that may need to be reassessed and potentially changed. As frustrating and consuming as the physical symptoms can be, I am grateful that through my experience with anxiety, my mind has been opened to holistic healing through meditation, the power of positive thinking etc. The next step is putting what I am learning into practice and being consistent with it.
I still have a long way to go, but each day is a brand new day and one step closer to feeling a lot better, or at least developing stronger coping mechanisms.
I don't believe that anxiety is something that ever leaves you for good, but I believe it is something that can be tackled and significantly reduced through various therapies, holisitic or otherwise.
I don't think that anybody should be ashamed of experiencing anxiety or living with panic disorder. I understand that talking about it can cause it to manifest within you, but I certainly think that society should be more open about it. You never know, you might meet someone who introduces you to a form of treatment that works for you, or just having the support and knowledge that it is such a common "dis-ease" may help you.
If you have anxiety or panic or anything related, I just want to reassure you that you aren't alone, you aren't any different from anybody else and that you have a beautiful life ahead of you.
Annie xxx
Over the past few years since discovering that I had anxiety and panic disorder, I have been put on medication and sought counselling. The medication that I was prescribed did not agree with my body, and I didn't find that the counselling really made any improvements. I completely respect and understand that there are so many various treatments out there and that one may work for one person and not for another.
It was actually my partner who introduced me to the method that I found showed the most improvement. However, I am continually learning. On better days, I have tried to appreciate and use my anxiety as a navigational tool to alert me to areas in my life that may need to be reassessed and potentially changed. As frustrating and consuming as the physical symptoms can be, I am grateful that through my experience with anxiety, my mind has been opened to holistic healing through meditation, the power of positive thinking etc. The next step is putting what I am learning into practice and being consistent with it.
I still have a long way to go, but each day is a brand new day and one step closer to feeling a lot better, or at least developing stronger coping mechanisms.
I don't believe that anxiety is something that ever leaves you for good, but I believe it is something that can be tackled and significantly reduced through various therapies, holisitic or otherwise.
I don't think that anybody should be ashamed of experiencing anxiety or living with panic disorder. I understand that talking about it can cause it to manifest within you, but I certainly think that society should be more open about it. You never know, you might meet someone who introduces you to a form of treatment that works for you, or just having the support and knowledge that it is such a common "dis-ease" may help you.
If you have anxiety or panic or anything related, I just want to reassure you that you aren't alone, you aren't any different from anybody else and that you have a beautiful life ahead of you.
Annie xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment